Today Dulverton. Tomorrow the world.

I am delighted to let you know about my return to public office in the most important role of leader. Needless to say this is overdue recognition of my considerable skills in this field. Naturally Dulverton Middle School looked beyond their own flock when seeking a new Chair for the Board of Governors. I was approached and asked to help them. You can understand why they picked me. I have established a national reputation as a positive force for change in transforming organisations and working with communities to create excellence and innovation. I have led structural, cultural, behavioural and procedural change across local authorities and local strategic partnerships. I am well known for my work on shared services, joint ventures with the private sector and creation of efficiencies using world class technologies. I also walk on water.

Another string to my famous bow.....

I rarely a reject a plum job. So when Roderick Corrie asked me to join his team in the boardroom I could hardly say no. It is a golden opportunity to line my pockets with yet more of the folding stuff by persuading those in local government (who know me only by my sanitised public reputation) that a deal with Public-i is well worthwhile. The kindly prose in the press release refers to my wide experience running administrations and managing change effectively. It is probably best that my personal difficulties with the new adminstration at County Hall were not mentioned, as well as my ongoing relationship with talented affiliates from Harrow to Hastings. That's more for Private Eye than Public-i, methinks.

Home Improvements

When you reside, as I am privileged to do, in a Grade II listed property there are inevitable matters of alteration to be considered. Being of unusual stature the ceiling heights of this famous old farmhouse have proved a personal inconvenience. Equally my extended business committments require sound-proof locations that can be kept apart from the main dwelling. I need space for all the necessary equipment to keep me linked up to the cloud and that will also mean relocating the water-bed and the mirrors that surround it. Happily my application is designated as one to be dealt with under "delegated powers". But I have taken the liberty of inviting Cllrs Polly Colthorpe and Ray Stanley round to sample the glories of the South Warmore wine cellar. They may be Tories but they're both on the Planning Committee. Perhaps they will also be interested in joining my growing band of affiliates.

Here come the girls

I am delighted with the response to our appeal for graduates for the new Future Communities programme. I have no doubt that many of these excellent and able people (most of them are women) will progress and advance their careers with my helping hands. The more the merrier when it comes to finding new talent for this specialist area of Procurement. So if you haven't yet added your name and vital statistics to my little black book please do so now.

Golden Future

I would like to wish my many new friends, colleagues, affiliates and associates a very happy new year. 2010 is dawning with rich promise as well as the sweet smell of success. As you see I have already teamed up with Pascal on my new enterprise. Monsieur Deneuve is a specialist. His company manufacturers very clever detection equipment which can be used to see inside maritime containers. Before that he was in charge of selling Lee Cooper jeans. No doubt this expertise will come in handy for local authorities who sign up with my new commercial vehicle Future Communities  I know Pascal is right behind me. His English is a little rudimentary and his haircut leaves a lot to be desired, but who am I to carp. So let us all pull together for a rosy future for all our future communities - especially mine. Feel free to drop by anytime at South Warmore and I now have some new phone numbers: 

01398 323153 or 07768 000500

My new job

It seems an age since I spoke to you all. But an active age it has certainly been. My new company is already making giant strides and my active involvement with Google Business is helping to promote a truly amazing product and also providing an excellent additional emolument. These things make life at Morebath so much more acceptable. Of course I miss the cut and thrust of County Hall, but Roger Kershaw always keeps me posted. I will be celebrating my success with a party here at South Warmore. Everyone is welcome. Details to follow shortly. Meantime sit back and enjoy the show. Admirers say that grey hair simply adds to my charm.

If you like what you see please give me a call: 07885 499667

The Big D

You know the old saying - one door closes and another door opens. In my case two doors have now slammed shut. Susie packed her bags and left me to rattle around in this wonderful Morebath house all alone (the girls fled the nest long ago) I can understand her feelings. The last few years have taken their toll. She said she needed space. I certainly need height. Where will it all end? The legal vultures are already gathering. I anxiously await the naming of a correspondent. Breaking contracts can be costly. That is why Somerset will be permanently stuck with SouthWest One. But hard times breed strength. I have been up against the wall before and triumphed. Watch this space

Uber Alles

I am delighted to post this new film which proves the success of SAP

My Wake

I know it is short notice, but I really do want to see you all there on Friday afternoon. There will be speeches, of course. (Roger K has already called me several times to glean some special reminiscences) There will be laughter. Perhaps a few tears. But definitely some tea. And maybe a few dainties on the side. I always was keen to have a little something on the side. Come and join me. 2pm til 4pm. Your chance to shake me by the hand. My chance to look you in the chest.

Tour de Farce

My admiration for Mark Cavendish grows at every stage of this year's exciting Tour. Our home-grown, four-star sprinter has triumphed against the wheels of the world and defied all the odds. He is a personal hero and a beacon of excellence. We share an intensely competitive spirit and an ascerbic attitude to stupid and intrusive press questions. Mark prefers the physical approach with journalists. I have recently relied on hired bullies. But life in the fast lane of cycling and local government takes its toll. Today I have taken the courageous decision to leave my post and pursue a stimulating new career. It may mean travelling back to my roots in the North West where the family business now beckons. The moment I made the anouncement at County Hall spontaneous messages of goodwill flooded in. I was touched and moved by the kind words of the many. Not to mention the gifts. What warm spirited and wonderful people I have nurtured. You know who you are. Together we have taken Somerset far beyond excellence and breached new barriers. My legacy will be the wonderful computer operating systems that are about to transform all our lives. Long live SouthWest One.

Don't blame the software

I apologise to any passing dog walkers, ramblers or visitors expecting a quiet Sunday afternoon in Morebath when the peace of the day was disturbed by four hours of anguished shouting. I may have allowed my temper to get the better of me in the tension of the Wimbledon finals and, when roused, I can make John McEnroe sound like a timid mouse.
It was a passionate performance by our SAPman, Andy Roddick, but when it comes to the game no player, however talented, can lean on the sponsor and expect miracles. We all knew there would be difficulties transforming this average American volleyer into a world class global entity. That is why he warranted a special build. Much of the training has since gone well and a Roddick HelpDesk was instituted to iron out specific problems. SAP command believed in Andy's determination to go for green. But it was the man who let us down. Only by a whisker. But whiskers count in tennis. There is only one winner. That's why Morebath heard me yell.

A Brave Man Needs Help

Lord Hanningfield, the imaginative and innovative Leader of Essex County Council, is currently under investigation by Scotland Yard for - allegedly - overcharging a few measy thousand pounds a year on his Parliamentary expenses. This is cruel victimisation of a real power-house in the realm of local government. It is claimed that he spent a lot of money on overnight trips to London when he lives just 46 miles outside the city and has the benefit of a chauffeur-driven car. These appalling stories are without foundation. Big H (as we know him) works his fingers to the bone, and many other parts besides, on behalf of the people of Essex. His Lordship has earned my praise for his brave espousal of IBM. He is a tribune among Leaders and richly deserves better than a knock on the door late at night from men in plain clothes - unless they happen to be invited! I suggest you go to his blog right away and show your support for the good things he has instituted. I am in no doubt that the Met will ask a few questions and decide that he is the most innocent of men. Should my prediction be in any way incorrect I have already offered my noble friend the services of an excellent lawyer who can pull his considerable weight in these circumstances.

Anyone for Tennis?

I fear that it is no more than institutional nationalism driving the fans of Andy Murray. One can appreciate a certain degree of pride in the success of this gangly Scot, but for pure brilliance I am still staking my belief in Andy Roddick's chances. Yes, he is American. But what's wrong with that. IBM is also American and IBM delivers the most excellent scoring solutions to the All England Club. To demonstrate their efficacy I invite you to click this link . See what I mean? In one simple click those experts at IBM manage to misdirect you. But don't be disappointed. At least IBM has managed to produce a one-dimensional tennis game for Wimbledon fans who can't get the real thing. The strange thing is that IBM tennis players don't use rackets, they hit the ball with their head. This may account for many things. Anyway, back to Andy Roddick. The other winning factor in Roddick's sporting pedigree is his determination to back winners and be backed by them. That is why Andy wears the SAP logo with such obvious pride. Give it your all in the next few days, Rodders, and show the doubters what we're really made of. And don't roget to send your invoice in nice and early early so that SAP can deal with it efficiently.

Double Bonus

Not one, but TWO glowing red accolades to Somerset for the installation of SAP! My good friends at IBM assure me that "double-red" is the ultimate benchmark. Personally I think we should all be aiming for the future and a splendid quadruplicate.

Eady does it

I like a man in a wig, especially if he makes sensible decisions. Mr Justice Eady's reputation has just rocketed far beyond excellence in my estimation. In a ruling that will be viewed by many bloggers as a breach of their privacy the good judge has decided to allow a gale of fresh air to gust through the blogosphere. It will no longer be sufficient to assert that the internet is a place where anonymity can thrive. In a landmark decision, Mr Justice Eady refused to grant an order to protect the anonymity of a police officer who is the author of the NightJack blog. The officer, Richard Horton, 45, a detective constable with Lancashire Constabulary, had sought an injunction to stop The Times from revealing his name. In April Mr Horton was awarded the Orwell Prize for political writing, but the judges were unaware that he was using information about cases, some involving sex offences, that could be traced back to genuine prosecutions. Detective Constable Horton has now, rightly, been exposed. I intend to vigorously follow this important legal precedent and run the perpetrator of the weekly and obviously fake "ProperGander" blog to ground for his (or her) damnable cheek in pretending to be me. There is only one Official Alan Jones.

Downsizing

When I called in the new Leader designate, Ken Maddock, last Monday it was always my intention to make his odyssey from opposition to power as stressless as possible. It is not easy to take on the reins of office after so long as a mere onlooker. I gave him some home truths and warned him of the difficulties ahead. I was struck by his innocent expression and winning smile. It was at this point in our conversation that I made a small but very generous offer. "Why not move into my offce, Ken. You will need the space for meetings. Politics must be consensual. But a Chief Executive merely makes up his mind and acts alone." Ken readily accepted and I have already located a bijou bolt-hole elsewhere in County Hall where I will continue to guide us all towards the goals of still greater excellence.

Morebath-to-Brighton Race

The challenge is irresistable! A road race from the lovely village of Morebath (just over the Devon border) all the way to the fair southern seaside city of Brighton. I intend to ride from the start and be up with the best at the finish. I offer generous sponsorship to those who are prepared to join me. The race must be completed by June 24th - conveniently timed to coincide with the close of entries for Brighton's new Chief Executive.Come on boys and girls. Brighton is the acknowledged national home of gender reassignment and by the time I have pedalled a few miles it is a working certainty that my excellent toned torso will already have been permanently reassigned - without the need of surgery.

Philosophy and politics

I have long been an ardent follower of the thoughts and beliefs that made Edmund Burke such a singular politician. My musings this week in Proper Gander were written before the election results came in. Now that the people have decided, I can allow myself some more Burkeian reflections. Indeed, when the new Council Leader meets me on Monday, I intend to offer my unswerving loyalty to his cause and quote my mentor yet again. He once wrote: "You can never plan the future by the past" How true this is and how much it has been my inner call-to-arms since I arrived in Somerset in 2003. I have sought to innovate with originality and flair. I have won for Somerset the glittering accolades that previously eluded them. I have secured partnerships, changed minds and introduced adventurous thinking. I am, just like Edmund Burke, a true creative. Yes, I have been detracted. Yes, I have sometimes erred. But I would defend my record against all critics. And I urge Ken Maddock to leave well alone and ignore the only quotation by which Edmund Burke is always remembered: ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’

Make a date with me

Are you busy at 3pm on Thursday June 25th - I know I am!

• Case Study Session - Effective Recruitment, Strong Communities, Better Business - Local Employment Partnerships Around the UK
  


• Tackling local employment and welfare issues through partnerships
  The need for community-based solutions
  


• Making local and multi-area agreements work - reviewing and improving private, public and third sector links
  


• Somerset County Council - the trailblazer for LEP's
  


• The role of welfare and referral staff in moving individuals into training and skills
  


• Assisting the long term unemployed and those receiving disability incapacity benefits
  


• Setting and achieving local improvement targets - committing a talented workforce
  


• Releasing the skills potential of all local residents - maintaining a vibrant economy
  


• Improving access and opportunities to work through the personalisation of service provision

It is good to know that my most excellent private conference services continue to be in great demand. My power points are legendary. Please direct any future requests to my agent

Thanks Paul!

Councillor Paul Buchanan and I have not always seen eye to eye on every issue, but his words in the Council chamber today brought a lump to my throat. I was moved and flattered by his rich praise for the efforts I have made to effect change in Somerset. I was struck by the appreciation he showed and the respect for his colleagues. I only wish that the wider world had been afforded the chance to hear him speak. I will continue to regard him as a real friend. He will be sorely missed after June 4th.