I'm watching you

Every election leaflet is now being carefully scrutinised by my legal team to ensure that ALL candidates avoid ALL mention of ANY problems connected with SAP or SouthWest One. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Thanks Meic!

What a diligent man he is. And what a snappy dresser. Thanks to Meic Sullivan-Gould and his trusty txt I was able to learn all the latest from the non-event that took place this week at the Holiday Inn. So nice to see a firm hand in control of the Adjudication Panel. And so nice to know that the accused's loathsome tittle-tattle will now fail to be aired in public. Meic kept me informed throughout. He is well worth the huge fee that Somerset is paying him to look after my interests. I suggest he orders an extra pie.....and a necktie!

We have the answers

In these testing times it is important, nay vital, to be able to access correct information swiftly. That is why I have been driving forward the exciting new Somerset Google search engine. Somerset Google is now the first port of call for any facts that have eluded you about the real activities inside County Hall and local government in our area. We also carry crucial links to the police. So whatever your inquiry, anything from the risks of swine flu to one-off legal settlements to members of staff departing in unusual circumstances, just click the logo - you will not find anything of substance (because I have deliberately removed anything incriminating!)

Into Denial

Sometimes the most effective method of dealing with ugly rumour is to ignore it. Often the matter can be defused by personal denial. But the sure-fire, one-hundred per cent, copper-bottomed secret weapon to use in extremis is to call in the services of the wife. You don't even have to give her the whole story. In fact you don't even have to consult her at all. I have found that one letter signed, ostensibly, by my long suffering spouse renders many false criticisms completely harmless. I - sorry She - writes to the superior of whoever has called my activities into question. I - sorry She - will have a tear in the eye and a metaphorical quiver in the voice. How can they refuse the entreaties of an honest woman? Of course they can't. One missive sent from Mrs J's e-mail and the job's a good 'un ! Usually. (But not always)

Improving the Mind......

....travel is key and I thoroughly recommend the journey! The vibrancy I witnessed in Slovakia speaks eloquently of this nation's true ambitions. It may seem a far-away place, and some of the names (like the lovely Miss Bratislava, Katarina Prikazska - pictured on my trusty camera -with other Miss World contestants) may be hard to get one's tongue around, but I certainly gave it a try during down-time at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. The conference was a huge success. The welcome from everyone was genuine and open-hearted. I will return to bring ideas which have now matured in Somerset to my wider world audience. The best is yet to come.

Nom de guerre?

Recognise it? The architecture is a bit of a giveaway. Taunton's old workhouse looked exactly what it was. Until, that is, we at Somerset County Council took it over and softened its image with a subtle change of name. The grey and forbidding workhouse was rebranded by Somerset County Council as a "Public Assistance Institution". Suddenly it seemed like a worthwhile place of light and hope rather than the stark paupers' dumping ground which, in fact, it still was. What the heck. Image matters. Words carry power. I applaud rebranding. Such brainwaves are still happening. That is why we now call SAP a great success.

Between a Rorke and a hard place

History was kind to Lieutenant Chard VC. Probably too kind. He didn't live happily ever after. That is the price we heroes have to pay. Tonight in Chart Beauchamp the feather-headed numbskulls who claim to be protecting us all from malpractise and wrongdoing among elected councillors let everyone down. Instead of convicting the loathsome Paul Buchanan for his consistent outbursts of rudeness and vulgarity the useless Adjudication panel let the felon go free. I have rarely witnessed such a miscarriage of justice. In fact I was unable to witness it in person but Cathy Bakewell sent me endless panic-stricken Blackberry messages as the afternoon progressed. The loathsome Buchanan is now hell-bent on having my scalp (what is left of it ). Wishful thinking. His early study of theology and philosophy should have taught one essential lesson: people like me never give in. And some people, surely, do like me....... Don't they?