Chough Off

If you want to know the truth I didn't like Cornwall. It was a blessed relief not to be offered the job of running the new Unitary Authority down there. Truro makes Taunton glitter and buzz like New York. It is the sort of one-eyed town that would be greatly improved by demolition. The pasties are dangerously inedible. The people are sour. The politicians even more more talentless and stupid than some of ours. And considerably more bitter and twisted. I am tempted to report the whole lot of them to tjhe Standards Board for misrepresenting the awful things that have been said about me. Then there is the language. What in the name of all things reasonable is the purpose of attempting to preserve a tongue that has less life in it than their blessed Pyrrhocorax (the rare - and incredibly ugly - Chough) ? The Cornish don't have enough words for everyday use. Most of them communicate in crude sign language anyway. They are dangerously interbred and harbour a quite insane belief in their own superiority. I took one look and vowed never to cross the Tamar again. So goodbye Kernow and "Dyharajow".....apologies.....for having disturbed your third-rate county with my boundless excellence.